OH MY GOD, SHOES
by Ekoaleko
Summary: Muffy finds a way to deal with heartbreak. Again. pointless crackfic... lyrics by Kelly.


It was a rainy Monday afternoon, and Muffy had just had her heart broken…

**OH MY GOD, SHOES**

_disclaimer: lyrics belong to kelly/liam sullivan, BETCH._

It was a rainy Monday afternoon, and Muffy had just had her heart broken…

Again.

Or so it appeared.

The instant she saw her boyfriend, Tate or Terry or something (ex, as of four o'clock) getting a bit too close in the mouth with another girl, she'd decided to end it. With a brief slap, a simple disguised glare, and a short two words—"it's over"—she exited the little café they had arrived at together. The second the glass door swung shut behind her a river came rushing down the length of her cheeks. She began walking forward, unaware of where she was going, and flung herself into the closest building as it started to suddenly downpour. When she looked up, she realized she had entered the mall.

And that was when she got new shoes.

They were simple, silver heels but for some reason she adored them. The instant she slipped them on in the store, she completely forgot about her ex and got the urge to dance around. Her sole felt like it was settling onto a cloud, and it fit perfectly—like Cinderella's glass slipper. Except she didn't need the prince.

The silver sheen of the shoes shone and sparkled, and with every step she took toward the cashier she felt like a queen closing in on the exiled.

"One hundred twenty-one," the cashier said, making a horrible crashing sound explode inside Muffy's mind.

Her pay cheques were scarce and low, almost as low as the hem of her bright red miniskirt that hung on her hips. She tried to brush off her budget and as she looked down at the amazing heels protected by wrap and a fitting shoebox, every thought against buying them vanished. Her credit card sailed over the counter and in mere seconds she walked out of the store, short one hundred twenty-one dollars and never happier.

That was when power surged through her and before she knew it, her mouth opened.

"_SHOES_," she yelped, in an almost robotic voice. A few people walking by turned and gave her weird looks as she stopped suddenly. "_Shoes…_" she repeated, like the word was a prayer.

Saying this, Muffy felt so…so _powerful. _Without thinking, she dashed towards a bench and flung off her dull red heels, replacing them with the silvery ones and throwing the tattered protective box onto the ground.

"_Oh my god, shoes!_" she screamed again, her voice filled with twice as much energy as the first time. She met eyes with a young girl, about eleven, and gave her a big smile. "_Let's get some shoes,_" she ordered, grabbing her hand and leading her away from her mother, who was dabbing at her face in a compact mirror and facing the other way.

"Who are you?" the girl began, but Muffy dragged her into a shoe store.

"_Let's get some _shoes," Muffy answered, scooping up an adorable pair of shoes; size six in women's, pink and black in all its glory.

The girl took them in her hands and her eyes widened. She put them delicately and almost angelically onto the floor, sprinted out of the store and grabbed onto her mother's arm, yanking it up and down. "Mom, you have to see these shoes!" Muffy thought she heard her say. "If you won't buy them for me I'll never talk to you again!"

Muffy exited the store with a gleeful skip in her walk—"_Let's get some shoes_"—but the mob of shoppers around her weren't staring at her anymore. Their attention was averted to the girl making a scene with her mother in front of the shoe store. "_Let's get some shoes_," the girl hollered in almost an exact replica of Muffy's voice.

"_Shoes,_" Muffy sang, soaring down the lane of the mall, her heels bouncing up and down as if they were made with the fabric of running shoes. "_Shoes._"

A small, white dog in a woman's purse looked apprehensively at her. She ran over to it and bent down. "_Shoes_," she whispered to it, her green eyes wide and staring and her lips breaking into a derisive grin.

She tore away from the whimpering dog and pressed her face against the window glass of a designer store, earning sudden looks from the people inside. "_OH MY GOD, SHOES!_" she shrieked, pointing at the platform sandals a black-haired woman in front of her was wearing.

The woman turned around and stared at Muffy as she pulled away, racing into a store just across from this one with hungry and surveying eyes. "_Shoes_," she observed, approaching a shoe rack passionately.

Without any warning she grabbed a black pair of boots and hugged them to her chest. "_These shoes rule!_" she gushed, shoving them into the face of a man beside her. He cowered against the bench he sat on.

Muffy brought her attention back to the shelf and tweezed a single shoe with two fingers, her face twisted in disgust. "_These shoes SUCK!_" she shrieked, tossing them poisonously to the floor. She ignored the scowl of resentment one of the workers tossed her.

Instead of going through each pair individually, she merely stared at the heels and boots and sandals lined up in front of her. "_These shoes suck…these shoes suck!!_" She grabbed a worn-looking pair of running shoes and sent them flying.

"That's it!" a loud voice announced from behind her. "I refuse to let you…" The rest of the words came out as a kind of buzzing nonsense to Muffy as a man in a dark blazer began marching up furiously to her, but she simply pivoted and strode from the store, oblivious to the angry shouts towing after her.

"_Shoes_," she whispered, disappearing into store to store. Slowly, bags and boxes began to compile at her sides and she walked with a lazy yet hyperactive lean. "_Shoes_," she addressed the packages weighing her down.

She walked into a store, smiling madly as a woman approached her. Her nametag read Sandra. "Hi! May I help you?" she asked warmly.

Muffy's eyes fitted into Sandra's like a laser. "_Shoes_," she demanded. She grabbed a signature design and set them onto a counter, her heart pounding as Sandra began punching in buttons at the register. _"Oh. My. GOD, SHOES."_

"Um, Miss…" Sandra hesitated before sliding the shoebox over the counter, eyeing the bulging bags that rebelled against gravity. "_I think you have too many shoes…_"

Muffy's eyes bore into hers. "_SHUT UP!_" she yelled, causing Sandra to snap back in shock. Without even waiting for Sandra to put them in a bag, she took the shoes under her arm and ran out, her new designer pair she had switched in to pacing beneath her.

The response from the next cashier was the same. "_I think you have too many shoes_," a man with a shaved head and piercings stapled to every inch of his face commented.

"_Shut up!_" Muffy hissed demonically, fleeing from the store.

A balding man passing by scratched his head; he looked exhausted. Muffy shot him a full-watt smile with all her teeth showing as he looked up at her briefly. "_I think you have too many shoes_," he pointed out as one of the bags ripped open and chocolate wedge sandals came toppling out.

"_Shut up!_" she snapped, stumbling into another inlet.

A man jumped, startled, as Muffy threw a set of white-laced sandals against the counter. "Would you like to buy these?" he asked stupidly as Muffy began vigorously nodding her head. He began to put them in a bag, handing them to her after she paid. "Um, _I think you have too many shoes…_"

Muffy exploded with aggression. "_Shut up!_" she screamed, so loudly a shelf behind her toppled over. The man tripped and fell backwards as she stood over him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "_Stupid boy_," she chanted as she raised her foot over him. "_Stupid boy._"

After dealing with the man she stomped out, stopping by an artificial tree. She took a deep breath, resting for the first time since she arrived. The sad memory of her boyfriend was long gone by now. The shoes had quelled the pain of heartbreak. In fact, at the moment, all she cared about was…

"Excuse me, you dropped your shoes."

Muffy looked up, her fluffy eyebrows flapping in surprise. A man handed her the silvery heels she remembered feeling so amazing in. "Um, how did you…" She couldn't finish—it was as if the redness and tightness of her cheeks suffocated her words.

He grinned as she took the heels. "Um, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but…"

She held her breath. "…I think you have too many shoes," the man ended sheepishly.

She took a deep breath and blinked. His smile dropped in a heartbeat and he suddenly looked cautious.

The breath came out slow, and long. Muffy opened her eyes and said with a slight tease in her voice,

"I think you're right."

**xoxo**

This was the biggest piece of crap I've ever posted. I'm sick of my –ing writer's block and I just bought the sexiest shoes ALIVE. I don't care about sense or canon or anything right now; I am officially fighting against this stupid disease.

**REVIEW, BETCH.**


End file.
